It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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