I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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