Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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