who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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