He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
