After last night, I could never be a politician.
My hand turned me down
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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