Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
