I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
