we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i came on her dog
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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