I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
