bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize