He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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