Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
