Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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