you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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