i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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