you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
