That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
