When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
A+ Viking dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
