I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
