At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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