don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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