i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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