she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
