I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
