Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
