I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
