Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
