tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
