You're my little dorito
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
