She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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