Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
