i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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