Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
