I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
