My room smells like vodka and shame
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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