How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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