We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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