I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
