How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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