So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
