And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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