Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
