You're so nebulous sometimes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
