Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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