I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
