So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just blew my weed a kiss
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
