i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
