my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
