p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
