I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
