I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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