It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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