Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
