and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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