First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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