So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
